Wednesday, January 20, 2010

The Ten Commandments Of My Ribs

Okay, okay, I know laying tefillin is about physically attaching prayers to body parts, but this is ridiculous! It's a very skinny person! With ribs! Why does this scary shirtless person have the Ten Commandments tattooed onto his ribs? I am afraid!

Plus, high school was a long time ago, but this "art" is giving me flashbacks to Rocky Horror. I keep looking at this and shouting "That man has entirely too much neck!" Maybe I should pin this one to my wall and throw some toast at it.



Okay, and it is bad enough that the name of G-d is breaking apart and falling away into what looks like a technicolor fire, but why does it say "NO" immediately above it? Is that "No G-d?" Or is it "No G-d breaking apart and falling away into fire from my tattooed ribs?"

More generally, what is with the dots? I am impressed when my five year old adds dots all over her paintings because you know... she is five. But for grown up artists.... dots to make it busier will not cure your Tattooed Giraffaman of Ribs and make me want to buy him.

This is a fine example of the "Hokey Pokey" approach to Jewish art. The Jewish artists out there who suck but want to make a buck seem to have top ten lists of random elements to add to their schlock to make it marketable to (American) Jewish suckers:

You put some random Hebrew letters in
You take the good taste out
You put some random Hebrew letters in
And you shake them all about
You do the "But it's FROM ISRAEL" dance
And you turn yourself around
And that's what Jewish Art's about!

Today's offering, by the way, comes from ArtFromIsrael.com. You know, because it's from Israel. Say it with me now: Ooooo! Aaaaaaah! Israel! Therefore, it must be good, right?

Because, you know.... IT IS FROM ISRAEL. The fact that it is dreck is completely irrelevant. BECAUSE. IT IS. FROM. ISRAEL. When I used to make telephone calls home during the year I spent in Israel, they were better too. Because they were FROM ISRAEL. Even my farts smelled like milk and honey because I farted them... in Israel.

But the most intriguing link on the site is labeled:

"TO SEE MORE ISRAELI ART VISIT OUR EBAY STORE." Now that would be a heck of an online presence: ArtFromIsraelAndEbay.com. Because seriously... you give me this crap, and I'm opening an Ebay account.

-- Judaicrapette

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