Hamsa 101: The "Bird" Of Peace (And Friends)

Breaking News! Breaking News! Judaicrap Can Keep Planes Running On Time!

As this blog is developing, we are realizing that it can also serve as a tool for providing Jewish education to the world. For instance, as pointed out by an already loyal blog reader today (thanks Melissa), if Judaicrap was simply required reading for flight crew everywhere, yesterday's U.S. Air LaGuardia to Lexington flight might not have needed to make its unscheduled Philadelphia pit stop. The article is right: What schmucks! What were they thinking by not reading Judaicrap and following the helpful link regarding laying tefillin before boarding that airplane?

Judaicrap: Insensitively Educating Goyim Everywhere.

So in a spirit of education meant to thwart in-flight religious misunderstandings, today's blog will be about hamsas. A hamsa, which looks like a highly stylized hand, is a Middle Eastern symbol or amulet intended to ward off the "evil eye." Jews and Muslims alike use the hamsa (a/k/a, according to Lord Google, the Hand of Miriam, or Chamesh hand) for art work, wall decorations, key chains, or jewelry. Yes, key chains. Weird, huh?

I tend to like hamsas, superstition and all, and I used to regularly wear a Hamsa necklace a friend bought for me in Israel (IT IS FROM ISRAEL. THEREFORE IT IS LOVELY. AM I RIGHT OR AM I RIGHT?).

But some hamsas simply should not exist. I call these Hamsas That Should Not Exist. Ok, I never called them that before about ten seconds ago, but I do now.

For instance, the Hamsa-Dove-Rainbow-Flower wall hanging below simply should not exist.

Is it a field guide for identifying wildflowers or Jewish art? I can't tell!

But I will say this: the extra long middle finger really makes this one heck of a bird.

Fuck you!

Peace man!

No, what the fuck? You are flipping me the bird!

What are you talking about? I am a dove, you idiot. We doves symbolize peace and love and rainbows and flowers! Chill.

Fuck you, man, I see through that hippy bullshit. You are flipping me off. Go fuck yourself.

I'm outta here. Peace, dude.

But sadly, there are even more egregious examples of Hamsas That Should Not Exist. For instance, "Angel Art" is horrifying enough. Angel Art + Hamsa is simply terrifying. Please, give me Chucky or Pennywise any day.

FYI: "This Hanging Angel Child Hamsa is made of crushed marble, decorated with inlaid Swarovski crystals, Preciosa crystals and gold color accents. The prints used are hand painted and are treated to form the unique antique look. The Hanging Angel Hamsa is a unique hamsa for protecting children and babies."

What are they talking about? This hamsa cannot ward off the evil eye or protect children and babies! In fact, it is the epitome of evil (or Staten Island).

But wait, that's not all! Never fear -- more evil anti-evil eye amulets exist! (Say that five times fast!) For instance, in our next installment of Hamsas That Should Not Exist, Terrifying Teddy Bears have invaded Hamsa Land. Run, Angels, Run! But never fear... at least your crystals (and your lovely golden bows) are safe!

Nothing could top the Terrifying Teddy Bear Invaders of Hamsa Land? Right? Yes, I think that is right.

However, if you want a far more utilitarian hamsa, check out the one below. Yes, fellow Judaicrappers, below we have a lucite hamsa paperweight for your desk. It slices, it dices, it protects you from the evil eye, and it keeps your papers from blowing away, but wait, that's not all. . .

This unique lucite hamsa paper weight can also function as a virtually infallible murder weapon.

So... the next time your boss gives you a crappy project at 4:30 pm on a Friday, don't claim a religious exemption... simply hit him over the head with an evil eye! Voila! Problem solved!

Please note: Body disposal and blood spatter clean up kits not included. This offer not valid in Florida.

Here concludes our public service announcement regarding hamsas.

Now, go forth! Do a mitzvah today! Forward this link to all flight crew members (and other airline personnel) you know. Act now! There's no time to waste! You might thwart an international hamsa incident!

-- Judaicrapette